the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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