so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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