My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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