So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize