i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize