Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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