we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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