absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize