You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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