i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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