Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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