And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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