Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize