He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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