The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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