think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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