they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize