If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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