I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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