it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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