Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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