My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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