Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize