a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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