the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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