Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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