Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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