there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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