Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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