I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize