what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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