I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize