had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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