He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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