I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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