U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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