There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize