I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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