So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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