We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Houston, we have a blender
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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