i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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