At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My cat gives me a boner
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
