I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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