i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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