Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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