so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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