Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize