I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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