i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize