No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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